Downtime
by Rozalena
Summary: While on the run, Jane and Kurt remember their past and weigh their future together. Tag to Season 5.


**A/N:** This isn't much, but I kind of needed part of this dialogue to actually happen. Tag to Season 5.

(Haven't forgotten about the S2 update to "Making New Memories" that I've promised in a request message I received a couple of months ago, but time for writing evaporates while changing apartments. I will go back at it!)

* * *

"**Downtime"**

"Was this us?" she wondered in a whisper that only he could hear, hiding her suppressed smile under his chin.

"I don't think we were _that_ obvious" he rushed to reply, only to receive the most mischievous look of disbelief.

"Apparently, _everyone_ knew months before us." She stated, more like a reminder than an actual explanation.

"Well, not anymore…" He laughed in relief, tilting her head up to find her lips.

Life on the run was rough, but she had to admit that sharing it with family made things… _lighter this time_.

Everyone was constantly on edge and body pain was far from a detail in their everyday lives. They were used by now in spending hours, days almost, thinking that one of them could be truly _gone_ before every team member were back at the rendezvous points. Fear, anger and exhaustion were constantly lurking to manipulate their behavior, but still, not going through this hopeless journey all by herself felt so much better than the last time she was in hiding.

"Thank God!" She shared his emotions, turning her back away from the 'couple' on the other side of the room and focusing on her own bedmate for good.

Hugging lovingly in front of their two friends -the awkward couple forming before their eyes that only Read and Tasha would avoid acknowledging out loud- felt a bit like a display: the lovers who overcame obstacles and finally confessed their feelings enjoying each other's comfort across the secretly-in-love duo. But time together was so limited and precious these days that neither of them would hold back for discretion's sake.

_She'd spent far from logical amounts of time thinking he was lost and Kurt could say the exact same thing about her. _

Almost a month after that horrific drone strike and countless close calls since then, they'd only grown even closer together: communicating through glances, sharing thoughts, moving as one person in the field and nearly being one person during downtime… _their way of overcoming the hostility of their current present_.

Packed together on a tiny mattress on the floor, having absolutely nothing to hide, with only a few hours remaining to spend together before one of them needed to take on the watching shift; _the timeouts that made this whole situation bearable_, she thought once again while tightening her grip into his embrace.

"Everything OK?" He sensed her tension.

For a second, she thought about lying, covering the case to let him rest undistracted. Truth be said, this living on the run had evoked old feelings; the fear and guilt that accompanied her during her first hiding adventure rushing back again as their stay in Europe was prolonging.

"Will this kid ever get to know me? Like really know me, with all this time I've disappeared from her life?" She sighed, unable to withhold her thoughts from him in the end.

"Jane, of course she will. Bethany loves you, you know that." He'd unconsciously stopped holding her in an effort to find her eyes and sound as persuasive as possible.

"We love what we know, Kurt." She wouldn't leave it now. "And you and I both know that I've been missing from your daughter's life for a very long time."

"_Our_ daughter" he emphasized his interruption, "…_loves_ you. And she misses you as much as she misses me. And we'll have plenty of time with her once we finish this." He wasn't very confident about that last part himself, but he couldn't let doubt drill her thoughts.

"I can't wait to go back to Colorado." She whispered after a few moments of silence, almost daydreaming in the idea; closing her eyes and resting her cheek over his chest.

His arms circled her body, holding her closely against him again. "But… Even if we never return to Colorado, that doesn't change how much of a parent you are to Bethany." He finally let it out.

"What do you mean?" She shot backwards, almost escaping from his embrace, trying sadly to calculate how negative his thoughts had become.

"I mean…" He retrieved his hug -wanting to keep her closer while sharing _his_ fear- but deliberately maintained the honest eye contact, too. "When this thing is over and we're able to go back, we don't have to relocate to Colorado."

She remained quiet feeling his struggle, trying confused to realize why he was suggesting redefining their original plan.

"Being close to Bethany while she grows up is something I'll never stop wanting," he set things straight, "…but we don't need to move next door to her to do so."

"Kurt, what changed?" She was legitimately worried.

"We can still be her parents from New York, that is all I'm saying." He wanted to calm her, but his equivocation wasn't working on Jane.

"It's just that…" He took a deep breath, intertwining their fingers before continuing. "It didn't work last time, Jane." He confessed. "And I honestly don't mind staying in NY, if that means that you... that _we_ will be happier there."

A sigh of sadness escaped her lips before pressing a bittersweet kiss on his. "I _am_ happy with you _and_ the life we have, no matter the city we're in."

_But that wasn't his main concern, was it? _

"And I'm not leaving you _ever_ again." She underlined the conclusion she needed him to know.

This was his time to remain silent in disbelief.

_She wanted to be with him, that he was positively convinced, but their life in Colorado had already been kind of a 'trial & error'. How was it fair to her going back to a situation she'd already admitted being relieved leaving from?_

"Kurt, I would have never left if it wasn't for that bounty, you know that." His fears had now started seeming almost childish to her.

"Plus, I know who I am and what I want more than ever before," she softened up, "…and _who_ I want to be with _and_ _why_ I want... _him_." She smiled meaningfully, looking deep into his eyes.

"I kn…"

"And I want to return to Colorado as much as you want."

He let his smile widen as his arms buried her in his embrace, feeling safer than ever even in the most insecure place he's ever been to. He wanted to say more -_hell, he would have done more if not for that open-plan safe house they were in_\- but as the shift change was approaching, holding her tight and letting relaxation do the rest seemed as a wiser choice for the moment.

Switzerland of America or Switzerland itself, it didn't really matter… _as long as she was by his side_.

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A/N: Some sort of PartII-version can be found in "Making New Memories", but it's just plain smut that didn't really belong here.


End file.
